yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
