i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Sext me about skeletons
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
