I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
