Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
