Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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