I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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