who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
