the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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