I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize