So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
