Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
