Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
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