Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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