I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating