At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
