I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.