just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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