I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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