Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
