In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize