I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
