new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
