it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
