She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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