Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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