Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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