I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i've created a new STD.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
