worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
