apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How does it feel to date your dad?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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