Why are handjobs necessary in class?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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