Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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