I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
