I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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