My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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