the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
