is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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