if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
worst night to have a conscience
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
the gays at disneyland are vicious
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
