Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
