this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
