so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
