Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is wine microwaveable?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
