Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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