every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
