I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
