If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
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At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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