tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
