I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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