Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have post one night stand depression
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