i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize