my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
