Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
