Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
