she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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