I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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