I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
