I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
