This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
