You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
