I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
