And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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