My room smells like vodka and shame
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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