its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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