Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
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I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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