I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
