he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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