Your dad touched me again.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
