I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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