He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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