I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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