I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We left the knife in your bed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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