Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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