You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
