I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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