New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
