Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
