eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
