I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
