Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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