We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
