Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
