This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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