Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
