I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
